Anyone can be fooled by a good liar. Were you fooled?
If you are the victim of an affair, you were somehow fooled, either through plain lies or from not being told all of the information and taking action in some not so honorable ways.
If you really want to save your marriage and regain that lost trust and honesty, continue to learn two things that you can ask your cheating significant other to help you rebuild that trust again.
Probably the most asked question a victim of an affair will want an answer for is: “How can I tell if my significant other is telling the truth?”

 
This is a good question that has a lot of merit. However, the answer is not so easy to come by.

 
Stop for a second and think about those who work for the CIA or even just local law enforcement such as police. They have no way of knowing every time that someone is lying. Then think about those secret double agents who have gotten caught: they may have been forced to give up their country’s secrets to “the bad guys” and none of their trained colleagues knew that any of it had taken place.
When anyone lies, it’s not like that there are alarms going off that let you know that they lied. If it were really like this, well things would be much different!

 
Anyone, especially someone who is already traumatized with the aftereffects of an affair, could sit and ponder about how they can tell if their spouse is lying or not but they would drive themselves crazy. The person who cheated has dealt a devastating blow to their spouse, making them wonder if they have any way of knowing what’s true and what is not true. It’s heartbreaking, and not something that the victim of the affair will have an easy time to get over.

 
Even if you were a trained professional at lie detection you wouldn’t be sure that an affair had taken place, and even less chance of having a way to prevent it from happening. Remember that the whole idea and action of cheating was made solely by your cheating spouse.
And that’s where the question you really need to examine exists: with your spouse.

 
A lot of victims of affairs want to know if there’s a way to see if their spouse is being honest, or more specifically, how to detect the lies.
Instead, the question that you may choose to focus on is this:

 
How will I know it’s time to trust again?

 
There is no set answer for this. You really need to realize that the answer of this question lies solely with you personally. No one has the answer of this question other than you. Your spouse who cheated can not answer this question for you. Your minister, pastor, priest, psychiatrist, cannot answer that question for you.

 
Once an affair happens, you lose that much needed trust in your spouse. It’s one of the biggest detriments to the cheating spouse. They have lost the trust of their loving spouse.

 
The first thing the cheater needs to do is earn back your trust. It isn’t something that happens immediately on a certain date or by giving their confession to you, or any other specific instances. Trust is one of those things that you can only earn over time, and it can instantly be lost in a situation like this. This is obviously one of the reasons that having an affair is a horrible idea if you think about it, because no matter what the cheater stands to gain from this short term fling, they are sacrificing a huge amount for the long run with their spouse.

 
Tune in tomorrow for the second part of this topic: Seeking Reassurance to Build Trust